Burress is Wearing the Wrong Uniform

Plaxico Burress was finally sentenced, and now he is—shamefully—in jail for at least the next 20 months and possibly the next 24. Burress concealed a loaded handgun into a New York City club. To top it all off, the gun fired a bullet into his leg, he had to be rushed to the hospital, and no one called the police. Burress later agreed to a plea agreement that stated he attempted criminal possession of a weapon. It is no debate, Burress broke the law—he didn’t even have a license! Don’t get me wrong, I am in no way in favor of guns, especially handgun possession; however, I do not think Plax should be in jail, away from football(although if he wasn’t in jail he would deserve a suspension of some sort), and most importantly away from his family for the next two years. This belief doesn’t just stem from my opposition to jails and prisons; it comes from the fact that the only reasons we have to force people to confinement is to punish them for their actions, and to keep them away from society. Isn’t there a sufficient alternative punishment? Don’t you think getting shot was a significant punishment already? If not, how about some community service too?

Let’s consider the situation a little bit more. Just a year before this incident, Sean Taylor was killed while at his home, and he was without a gun while the murderers had at least one gun. Sean Taylor was at a major disadvantage. Once again, I am not in favor of guns, in my country I’d eliminate all handguns, but if Taylor had a gun, he’d be on track for his fourth Pro Bowl selection. And then this summer, Steve McNair was murdered by a gun too. Once again, he was unarmed. McNair’s murder might not have been prevented even if he was armed, but it is another example of a celebrity being a target. Plaxico Burress broke the law, yes, but can you blame him for being a little paranoid? The media over covers celebrity murders, and Plax didn’t want to be the next.

Even though it sounds un-egalitarian, we live in a society where celebrities should be held to different rules and laws. They have to deal with being photographed in public, sex-tape scandals, and sexual harassment accusations far too often, only because they are rich and famous. Not to say the everyday person does not have to deal with these problems, but the problems aren't at the same level. If you were late to work or a meeting, would you receive a $1,500 fine? Professional athletes have that kind of pressure on them. They deserve different standards. I understand that Plaxico Burress broke the law and he is supposed to be punished for it. But two years of jail time is way too much. He already shot himself and lost his job, there has to be an alternative way of teaching him and other celebrities a lesson. Because that is ultimately the point of the sentence, right? Really the best solution to this problem is to ban possession and purchase of handguns all together and force people to fight with battle-axes.

Adios Bandwagon Brewer Fans

A slow start to the 2009 baseball season for the Brewers could be the demise of their solid bandwagon fan base. Not all Brewer fans are bandwagoners, however, a good portion of younger fans fit into the bandwagon category. So far the Brew Crew are 3-6, and honestly, how can you expect things to get much better? Yes, Ryan Braun, Prince Fielder, and J.J. Hardy are all off to slow starts. To even things out, Corey Hart already has 3 homers (on pace for 54) despite batting only .250. Mike Cameron is playing out of his mind, batting .370, 3 homers, and an outstanding .500 on base percentage. The Brewers’ biggest offensive issue is the number of strikeouts they have. They are fourth in the majors in total strikeouts. It is also hard to compete when only one out of five starting pitchers have an ERA under six. Based on previous seasons, you should expect Suppan and Gallardo to pitch significantly better and Dave Bush to pitch a little better. I expect the Brewers to win around 81 games, and finish third in the NL Central, after the Cardinals and Cubs. As a result, most of those bandwagon Brewer fans will lose interest with the team, sadly. If you are unsure if you are a bandwagoner, answer a few questions:

If you are in College or older, do you remember Big Ben, John Jaha, Cal Eldred, Pat Listach, Bill Wegmen, and Greg Vaughn?

Are you aware the Brewers were in the American League?

Do you know the significance of 1982?

What position did Robin Yount play?

If you can’t answer these questions, but still wear a Prince or Braun jersey, or reminisce about how fun last season was, you are a BANDWAGON Brewer Fan. Coming this September if I miss a game, I won’t be able to rely on you for the score because you won’t be watching the out-of-playoff-contention Brewers. As a loyal fan, I hope I am wrong about the Crew and they finish in first and make the playoffs again, but it looks like they are an Ace away, plus more. Well just wait bandwagoners, the Bucks have new management and won seven more games this season than last season. If they progress this well again, that’ll put them in the playoffs. Then you can watch Wisconsin sports again.

Most Ironic, Unfit Nickname Ever

Not only is Ryan Theriot the starting shortstop of my least favorite team of all-time, the Cubs, but he also has the lamest nickname since I've been following major league baseball. Thus he really never had a chance for my sympathy. For those of you unaware, his nickname is "The Riot." He is obviously called this name because of his last name; however, he does not deserve the nickname. He does not resemble a riot even a little bit. He's 5'11, 175 lbs, considerably small for a professional athlete. As a matter of fact, if I were a Cubs fan I would be embarrassed to have him play shortstop, the position with the longest throw to first base in the infield. I could not justify calling a player with a weak arm who only had 24 total extra base hits last season The Riot. Not even a riot, but The Riot. The Riot of all riots. Maybe I am the last person to recognize the irony here, because Theriot is the opposite of a riot. If he was a riot, similar to Manny Ramirez, he would not be in the league. The reason Ramirez gets signed is that he has a .314 career batting average and 527 homers. Theriot is closer to The Regulated, than The Riot. Similar to players such as David Eckstein, and Craig Counsell, Theriot is known as a player who plays really hard, but has little talent. As some of you saw against the Brewers on April 10th, instead of going for the inning ending double play, he unsuccessfully attempted to throw out Ricky Weeks at home--showing off how weak his arm really is. I am not saying that he should not be in the league; he is batting .500 this season, and batted .307 last season. Those kind of numbers are worthy of a roster spot. However, I would not give him the nickname "The Riot." I understand it is his last name, it can be split into the two words. But if a player had the last name Thecocksucker, we would not do the same for him.

Finally a Trade Where Everyone Benefits

The recent trade between the Bears and Broncos is the first significant trade where everyone involved is going to be happy. Unlike the NBA trade between the Pistons and Nuggets that sent Chauncey Billups to Denver and Allen Iverson to Detroit. The Pistons traded one of the best team players in the league for one of the worst team players. Now that Iverson is ruled out for the remainder of the season, the Pistons at least can give Rodney Stuckey the playoff experience he'll need for the future and not piss off Richard Hamilton by coming off the bench. Back to the Bears and Broncos trade, this trade makes sense for both teams and all parties involved. Cutler was acting like a spoiled NFL quarterback and demanded a trade and was traded to his childhood favorite team (check), the Bears haven't had a promising quarterback in my lifetime (check), Kyle Orton, who is the prototypical system quarterback gets the opportunity to play for a coach who helped a quarterback who hasn't started a game since high school have success (check) and the Broncos still get a third round pick and two first round picks that Mike Shanahan can't screw up (check). Wow it all makes sense. Some analysts and reporters are comparing this trade to the old "Hershel Walker trade" back in 1989; however, this trade does not exactly resemble that trade because the Vikings ended up trading a total of five players and six draft picks--not exactly the same as giving up three picks and getting one in return with the star player. Even if Jay Cutler doesn't win the Bears a championship in his career, he will add something that they haven't had since the Super Bowl Shuffle, EXCITEMENT! No one wants to watch them dominate on defense and hope the opposing team punts to Devin Hester to score points. Because if their defense or special teams didn't score, you knew they weren't going to put up many points if any. Maybe a few field goals. But now with Cutler and his ability to throw down the field, they can use tight-end Greg Olson down the middle of the field. Too bad they still don't have Bernard Berrian, then their offense would be wide open. I still think they are a legit number one wide-receiver away from putting up big numbers, like a Plaxico Burress (who was recently released). For the Broncos, Orton will have success (assuming he beats Chris Simms for the starting job, safe assumption). He should be considered one of the most coachable players in the league, especially at his position. He's 12-6 as a starter while playing on a crummy team with no wide-receivers. Imagine what he'll do with Brandon Marshall and Eddie Royal. Now with those extra draft picks Denver should be able to stock up on defense. An early, pre-draft prediction, the Broncos finish the 2009 football season with a better record than the Bears, but Cutler puts up decent numbers. The only person I don't think benefited from this deal was the 5th round pick the Bears receveid. Even though this player doesn't have a name, I feel bad because he has to play for the Bears instead of the Broncos. Thank God for free agency.

College Basketball is the Dean Koontz of Basketball

Thursday night I was one of the many sports fans watching the Syracuse vs. UCONN six overtime "thriller." Well, I cannot take credit for watching the whole game, because I fell asleep after Paul Harris missed the dunk, grabbed the rebound and made the lay-up while getting fouled, which put Syracuse up eight. I knew UCONN was done. Waking up Friday morning I assumed there would be an onslaught of sports reporters praising this game, nominating it as "The Best Game Ever Played." Reporters referred to this game as an "epic thriller." I do not nominate the game as the best game ever player, because it was not even the best game of the night. Up to the second overtime, the game was good, exciting. But the second, third, fourth, and fifth overtimes were a bit redundant. UCONN takes the lead, blows last minute free-throws, Syracuse ties the game, and either UCONN takes a bad last second shot or Syracuse misses a lay-up, repeat. It is like watching a horror movie where the antagonist keeps coming back to life and the movie is longer than three and a half hours. I would consider this game better than a poorly written horror flick, but it is far from the best game ever. The better game was the Lakers vs. Spurs where both Kobe and Pau Gasol scored 23 points. The better game was the top two seeds in the Western Conference playing against each other. The NBA does not need an official tournament before the playoffs to create excitement. The game itself is exciting to watch already, and the stipulations on the game are just a bonus. While watching a college game and a player shoots from beyond NBA three-point line, the announcer says emphatically, "from NBA three!" Like shooting from that spot is a big deal! I'd rather watch a game where shooting there is typical. The only real excitement during the NCAA season is during tournament time, and the conference tournaments are a gimmick. They are only important because the winners get automatic bids to the NCAA tournament, some of those winners are undeservedly given bids. This season, Chattanooga won the Southern conference tournament, despite finishing fifth in the regular season. Because the NCAA gives automatic bids for conference tournament champions, Southern conference regular season champions, Davidson did not get in. Thanks to this rule, fans do not get the opportunity to watch Davidson Guard, Stephon Curry, who led Davidson to the Elite Eight last season. And teams like Pittsburgh and UCONN lose early in their conference tournament without any consequence. NBA playoffs no matter what has the top eight teams in each conference playing for the championship. They do not have a committee choosing the teams, the best records are in. As exciting as gambling on March Madness Brackets is, I would rather watch the NBA playoffs more.

Introduction to the Madhouse

Welcome to my blog, whoever you are. The purpose of this blog is to share my opinions on popular sports issues. I plan on updating 3 times per week, with approximately 300 word blogs on topics that would be discussed on ESPN shows such as, ESPN First Take, Around the Horn, and Pardon the Interruption. If you do not know whom I am, I am an English major at the University of Wisconsin–La Crosse. I also study Psychology and Russian studies. I vow to not complain about my shitty/depressing life or to brag about my exciting life, but strictly share my opinions on sports. I strongly encourage comments from my readers, I am unafraid to admit a good counterpoint or being wrong. I hope this brief intro is useful and attracts a consistent community of readers; however, to read this blog would not require adult supervision, but I would say it requires readers to be at least 13 years-old. Enjoy, and welcome to the madness known as the "Sports Asylum."